“A Heart on Fire”

In March 2016, there was a powerful change that happened in my life, a change that spiritually connected me with the spirit of God through receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit. I remember I was in a period in time where my soul panted after God for a deeper level, for direction and purpose in my life. In the previous month, in February 2016, I was going through a lot of emotional turmoil, besides the unexpected death of one of my late Aunt occurred and I was also in the process of detangling myself from my boyfriend at the time. In retrospect, I tried many times to fill a void in my life with men that I lost count of the encounters. Jumping from one relationship to the next never fully healing from the previous ones, little did I know I was emotionally dependent. I was living my worst nightmares being emotionally unstable and desperate for a glance of a fairy tale story of love. Therefore, I felt that my spirit was dried up like the desert of Acatama; which is known to be the driest desert in the world. I was spiritually evaporated because I was gone astray from the love of God and His will for me. Instead, I attracted sin at my doorsteps because of the choices I’ve made on the daily basis. I was in a relationship that was not found by God needless to say that I was living an adulteress lifestyle after separating from my husband in July 2014, with whom I married since 2009. My husband and I went through our rough patches due to our brokenness, unfaithfulness, and prideful spirits. In retrospect, throughout my adolescent years, I was in the pursuit of happiness, searching for the unconditional love and validation that I longed for from my own father. With that said, I allowed myself to suffer deep and great disappointment in men trying to quench a spirit of drought in my life. Consequently, I attracted whatever suited in my life which led me to act and receive such disorientation.

One Sunday morning, I was led to go to a church near my house. At the time, I considered myself a Christian walking in the ways of life listening to gospel music, randomly reading the bible, praying only when I needed something from God, seeking material blessings, and going to church just to heat the church pews without receiving a word that could change my life. I was living day by day with no feeling of cause and effect stating “I am a believer”. However, do not get me wrong, I did love and believed God with all my heart but little did not know I was a lost sheep trying to be a visible minority. Consequently, I thought to myself, I can not live a filthy lifestyle, like this and claim my rights as a Christian. Even though I did my due diligence to get baptized in Jesus name as the bible says in Acts 2: 38 “Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost “. In my ignorance, I thought that baptism was the only dedication required of me because I felt as if I was not worthy enough to receive the Holy Spirit of God. But I was living with no direction, no purpose, no vision so my default was pure emptiness at the end of the day. Even if, I accumulated two College degrees and 1 College certificate at the time, I kept on wanting more. Also, I was on a successful career path established at a hospital working as a Social Work Technician. I was healthy, and I was able to share life with my two beautiful children at the time. But guess what, I was still riding life on an empty vessel. I felt unstable, incomplete, and unworthy therefore I became a church hunter, seeking to fill in a void that I was emptying myself because of the choices I’ve made. I thought it was ok as a Christian to live like that because I kept on looking at other Christian influences, instead of looking at Jesus who is the one I should follow as it is well scripted “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God” Hebrews 12: 2. Aside from that, I felt my epiphany happen shortly after I decided to stand firm on my walk with God. In a short while, I felt an urging sense of leaving my boyfriend at the time, to seek more of God but trust me I felt emotionally attached so it was a hard process to do. I was repelled by what life had thrown at me and was ashamed of living a double-minded lifestyle, in the bible defines “being a double-minded man, unstable and restless in all his ways [in everything he thinks, feels, or decides]life” James 1: 8. Therefore, I wanted to be free, to love, to live again as I often felt as if I was a walking dead. One great Sunday morning, I took the luggage and walked to a church I felt strongly led by God. In my luggage, there was pain, confusion, hopelessness, shame, hatred, disgrace, a cloudy spirit.

When, I entered, the church doors with my conviction that change will greet me at the door and I will meet hope, peace, and love at the altar. Besides, I was greeted with harmony and love by the church members and I directed myself upstairs not wanting to be seen by anyone I already knew. I was there with a mindset to receive from God through preaching. Importantly to say, that I felt as if the preaching was directed to me as if God was speaking to me because I was living a subtle life with a man. I was constantly reminded in the spirit, that eventually the relationship I was entertaining, will bring me away, far, far away from God. Tears would flow down my face because I knew I did not want anyone to stand in the way of my love for God. So I made a prayer, saying to God “I pray that you set me free, help me and eventually give me a man who loves you more than me, a praying man, a lover of souls, and one to stand firm in your word”. Each Sunday, I went back to that church sat down at the same spot holding on to my luggage which was getting heavy to carry. I wanted to get rid of it but I was often paralyzed by my thoughts that everyone would see the walk of shame and what my suitcase was holding. Nonetheless, I am grateful to say that, I was marveled to see the joy on people’s face dancing and worshiping God at the altar as if it was a heavenly party. I knew, that the presence of God was felt and experienced tremendously, to the point that I saw people manifesting his love and purity all around me. One bright Sunday, I boldly went to the altar and wanted to be prayed for, one of the altar workers came to ask me if they could pray for me and I said “yes please”. That person, earnestly prayed for me that I instantly felt the presence of God surrounding me as if my “heart was on fire”. The person gently asked me if I was baptized in Jesus’s name and I said “yes I am” and they followed with the question that changed my life. They said have you ever received the Holy Spirit I said: “No, how can I get it ?”, that person said it a gift that God gives to all mankind.“ Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost ” Acts 2:38. Matthew 3:11, “I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me comes one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. With no hesitation, I said “yes I would like to receive it”, at this point I said to myself what am I gonna lose. The person first asks me to repent with my whole heart, to let go of everything to God, my worries, my sorrows, and fears to him. I subsequently, was told to start praising God by saying the highest praise which is Hallelujah. I immediately closed my eyes and felt like a surge of fire coming from my feet up to my belly as if I was getting a spiritual cleansing. As if I had chills running through my veins and let me clarify that it was not cold nor hot in the church. Tears kept on flowing down my face as I was repeating “Hallelujah” not letting anything around distract me. I suddenly started uttering sounds out of my mouth and foreign languages and I continued to feel that fire grow inside of me. My cry was deep and genuine, I wanted more of God and I received His Holy Spirit as it is well identified in the bible in Acts 2: 4 “And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance”. Let me tell you that this experience was one of the most life-changing events that happened in my life.

Following this life-changing experience, I was able to fully let go of what kept holding me back from developing a better relationship with Christ. I kept on attending that church and remained stable with God’s calling in my life, I tell you everything came into place even-though I lost some friends along the way, respect from others, negative views from family and friends. Eventually, my husband and I got back together as we had never processed any divorce papers. One important fact to note was that he was also under construction with God because in my heart I had denied ever go back with him. But as God was calling him on another level, he was able to let go of many lusting figures and seriously apply himself to be used by God. At this point, I knew that God had a ministerial partnership for us, He wanted both of us to submit to His will and stand out as leaders in our community. Since then, we both continue to stand firm in God’s word, praying, fasting, and glorifying His Holy Spirit through us. 1 Corinthians 14: 39 “Therefore, brethren, desire earnestly to prophesy, and do not forbid to speak with tongues”. Upon announcements, I was compelled by the open registration geared towards the UPC STL Music Summit Called “Heart on Fire”. Wherefore, I eagerly signed up for and felt lighthearted to participate in something that always kept me wanting God through praise and worship. If you remember in the story of the labor of love part 1, my mother Gloria Williamson was a young worshipper. And growing up I was surrounded by women who praised and worshiped God from the core of their soul. On March 10-12 2016, I attended the conference which blew me away as I was able to submerge myself in the powerful worshiping presence of God. I started crying and felt as if He was ushering me to his calling and the process began.

Since then, I am Called …

TO FOLLOW, TO LEAD, TO INSPIRE, TO LISTEN, TO INTERCEDE FOR PEOPLE, TO LOVE, TO INSPIRE, TO TEACH, TO BE HOLY, TO GIVE, TO RECEIVE, TO INSPIRE, TO MENTOR, TO EDUCATE, TO ENCOURAGE, TO SERVE, TO BE A WITNESS, TO BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT OF GOD. In Acts 1:8 “BUT you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

Encouraging words

God’s Love is so great that He relentless pursuit after us making sure we can receive Him in our lives and live with him. God is so awesome that He sent His only begotten son Jesus to lead us and receive his Holy Spirit so we may walk a righteous life and I am not saying perfect life but a life walking desiring to do the will of God and lead others to Him. You have a purpose in God and all you need is to surrender to Him your whole self, not half looking to connect with His creation. I pray that you stay alert to His calling in your life, it is a subtle, pure calling. His word says in Matthew 11: 28-30 ²⁸ “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. ²⁹ Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls. ³⁰ For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.”

Inspired Scripture:

James 1: 8, Acts 2: 38, 1 Peter 2:9, 2 Peter 3:9, Acts 2: 4, 1 Corinthians 14: 39,Matthew 11: 28-30

Prayer

Dear God, Thank you for calling me chosen and for pulling me out of the darkness into your marvelous light “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light” (1 Peter 2:9). You set my heart on fire for you for my soul longs after your presence. You are the father, I never had and you lead me to your righteousness. I pray that someone can also have a heart on fire for you and follow your calling, for you have a purpose for all and desire that none perish but have eternal life as your word says in 2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance”. In Jesus Name Amen.

And,

P.S Jesus Loves