“He Lifted My Burden” (Part 1)

In life, we are often faced with so much to carry and absorb on the daily basis, that we continuously question our existence, our purpose and if God really exists. I once echoed those feelings and questions because I have been in that state of mind due to the unpredictable life circumstances, that almost dried up my cup of hope. But there has been something so special that kept me going and in my perspective seeing “the light after the tunnel “and that is with the exuberant grace of God. That grace-filled up my burden and filled my cup of hope in the most difficult times. Just to give you a little sneak peek of that grace I will shed light on His miracle by the grace of God.

“So they remained for a long time, speaking boldly for the Lord, who bore witness to the word of his grace, granting signs and wonders to be done by their hands”

Acts 14:3

“The Reminder of his grace “

Close to 8 years ago, I had an unusual growing mass located under my right ear. It was something, I never paid attention to as much. At the time, I was pregnant with my oldest daughter Amelia Katlee and I did not want to overwhelm myself with ideas and assumptions base on fears. Even though, I endured a very hard time during that pregnancy, which was filled with negative emotions and heartbreaking realities. But I kept my head above the waters, inclined on my faith in God and perseverance in life. Mind you, I was not as rooted in my walk with God but, I knew He existed and performed miracles.

One day, one of my closes friends looked at me and said ” Hey Mary “You have something growing on your face near your ear”, immediately I recalled touching the small mass I once felt near my ear. Once again, that same friend told me, “You should go get a check at the hospital”. By then, I was well advanced in my pregnancy at about 8 months, I felt as if, I didn’t want to know about any medical issues, once again there was already a lot going on in my life. So I disregarded the suggested visit because I convinced myself that it was not too bad ( knowing that I did not want to face a possible truth). Therefore, I can empathize with anyone out there who is going through or went through similar feelings when you knew there was something wrong but resisted the idea of going to the hospital to hear the worst-case scenario. Consequently, I became more distraught and distant in the last month of my pregnancy knowing that, I did not want to go do an MRI assuming that I would not be able to hold my baby girl. Negative thoughts swam across my head like on a polluted ocean, I was constantly manifesting a spirit of fear. Thus, I would cry day and night, enduring the facial pain I was experiencing, I felt aching spasm on the right side of my face. I also experienced seeing white flashes and painful jaw movements getting worst as the days went by. Nonetheless, I finally took an appointment and mentioned it to my family doctor, who referred me to an (ORL) Otorhinolaryngologist doctor who is specialized in head and neck practice. I was then, told that since I will be giving birth soon, I should follow-up with my appointments afterward. Dwelling, in the unknown, made me anxious, even worst when I had to wait for a doctor to find out what I had. After my beautiful baby girl’s delivery, so much anxiety pain went away as I took the time to embrace the bundle of JOY, I held so dearly. In March 2013, a few months later, I was able to leave my daughter with family and verify what I had through MRI testing. Eventually, results came in, the doctors announced that I had a parotid ( salivary gland) benign tumor growing on the upper right side of my face and I needed surgery to remove it. I was in shock, frozen in time, unable to talk as a rush of emotions gush through my heart. All I could think about is that my life is over and my face would not be the same anymore. The doctor very stoic in his demeanor informed me that the surgery would take less than two hours but I would need to stay at the hospital for one day or half a day and that I will have facial paralysis with a crooked smile because of the procedure will touch my facial nerves. He jokingly said ” I hope the man you are with loves you because your face will change and your smile will not be the same” but he saw it was not funny after all, trying to make me smile. When he left the room, I collapsed emotionally and let all my tears cover my face, my heart felt heavy, I felt as if I had something squeezed my throat, and had a sudden migraine. As I walked out of the hospital, I cried out “WHY ME GOD” which seems to be a normal statement, most people say when they are faced with difficulties. Therefore, I screamed, felt frustrated and I did not want to get this surgery done but I knew if I was not gonna consent to this, it could only get worst.

Furthermore, on the day of the surgery, there I was on the hospital bed, looking at the bright lights facing me and all the medical tools laying on the surgical equipment table. I saw the assisted nurse, the surgeon, the anesthetist as he was addmistrering the first general anesthesia dosage needed to knock me out. The first sense that faded away, was my sight as my eyes would slowly dim; I felt like I was falling asleep and my hearing was second as I could hear sound fading away, hearing the mumbling from the co-workers chatting. At that time, I made a conscious prayer, that God protects me and stays with me, and take control over everything. A couple of hours later, I wake up to the sound of beeping machines and the attending nurse, saying ” Hi miss Bercy everything went well the doctor will come to see you”. I felt numb on my legs and I could feel the bandage wrapped over my head. I was glad to hear, see and feel again as my senses would trickle back in. I thanked God for that. Soon after the doctor came saying ” Hi miss Bercy, I must say that the Man up there really loves you, He was in control over it all because everything went well and you have no signs of facial paralysis and the benign tumor is completely removed”. I could only tear up and whisper thank you Jesus and thank you, Doctor. I was also overwhelmed with joy that God performed a miracle in the medical field and in my life, also keeping the doctor and nurses in aha moment of His supernatural wonders. In Isaiah 55-8-9 it says “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts higher than your thoughts, Henceforth, the word of God also says “And on the Sabbath, he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were astonished, saying, “Where did this man get these things? What is the wisdom given to him? How are such mighty works done by his hands? Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary and brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him” ( Mark 6:2-3).

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In retrospect, I marveled at the fact that God was in control over everything, even building the faith of that doctor and other medical staff. Knowing that the surgeon was in the medical field for over 20 years, therefore he had experience with this type of surgeries, hence his declaration was off the records not knowing I was a believer. He was compelled to let me know that Jesus loves me and takes care of all my needs and heals me in the process of my journey. My faith grew bigger since then and, as a result, I wanted to draw nearer to God. Later on, the recovery happened so quickly and was able to enjoy an anxiety-free life again and enjoy my family. I ended calling this scar the reminder of his grace because I can smile without any facial paralysis knowing that the mass has been completely removed. Now, I am grateful every day for the smallest things and blessings God gives me, something simple as the air that I breathe. In the end, God wanted someone to believe and know that He is God almighty because our faith can move mountains through our praying abilities and belief. God asks us to have faith like a grain of mustard seed, as it is well scripted in Matthew 17: 20 “He answered, “Because of your little faith [your lack of trust and confidence in the power of God; for I assure you and most solemnly say to you, if you have [living] faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and [if it is God’s will] it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you”.

Words of Encouragment

I want to encourage someone out there, who may be struggling with some, infirmities either mental, physical, emotional, or other. Rest assured that there are still miracles being done in the Names of Jesus Christ. Things that the human mind can not comprehend and discover. God is still a miracle worker and operates in the hospital bed or where ever you are, it takes someone who believes wholeheartedly with the smallest inch of faith. The more you see God, move in your life the more your faith grows no matter the circumstances. His words say in John 4:48 “Then Jesus said to him, “Unless you people see signs and wonders, you will by no means believe.” Be encouraged, and trust the process.

Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, my healer, my provider, and my refuge, I pray that someone can receive from you today and know that you can operate in their lives with so many blessings which will overwhelm their human understanding and in return will worship you and give you honor. I pray that someone’s faith can grow bigger than a grain of mustard seed as you lead them to you each day they live. Thank you for what you are doing, the mentally, physically, and emotionally healing in my life. I pray that as believers; we can operate in your holy spirit and discern your will, to heal others with the gift of healing you have given. This world needs you, God, show us your signs and wonders. Thank you once again for inspiring me to write even when it gets hectic at times but you give me the strength to pour out your love through me. May someone be touched by you and may you bless them in their journey. In Jesus Name Amen.

Inspired scriptures:

Isaiah 55-8-9, Mark 6:2-3, Matthew 17: 20, John 4:48, Acts 14:3

And,

P.S Jesus Loves You